Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Gone Are The Days


... that our lives will be blessed with seeing, hearing, and touching our beautiful Nugget.  Never again will I be able to gaze into the sparkling layers of those imploring brown eyes that I swear were like marbles with swirls of magical color.  I forced myself to memorize those eyes.  Words cannot describe how different they were compared to my other babies, and to any other human's for that matter.   I will never again feel his sweet golden curls that lined his spine showing hints of red nor feel the soft velvet gold that graced the top of his head or the thick mass of tangled fur along his chest that often developed into a matted mess.  He didn't bark much or whine. He was the patriarc of the pack though he was patient and good.  He never attacked a stray who wandered on the farm allowing Sammy and Coty to join the family though they knew he ruled.  He got so excited and happy seeing Mama and Daddy at the door and at meal time he whirled in dizzying tight circles.  He so loved his nightly pettings from his Daddy and his brushings from Mama that should there be a pause from a tired human hand, his persistant paw would offer a firm reminder to continue.  In his younger days, he watched my every move while I went down to the barn for the nightly feed, guarding and waiting for my return.  Words cannot describe the perennial ache in my heart with the realization that he is gone. I loved my boy, I love him still though he is gone for good, gone on March 13th 2012. 


He looked good in the first photo but not so much in the one above. These were taken only a couple of days before his last breaths.  He knew what I was doing, he knew it was near the end and tried his best to look good.  So many times he looked away from the imposing black thing that made snapping noises and flashed strange lights.  But on this day, he stood there giving me a lasting image of his beautiful body. 
He loved people, and was so gentle with children.  Everyone loved him, even his stern old Grandfather.  :)  I often wonder if my daddy and Nugget see eachother in heaven?


It was back in September when we found out.  I quit blogging due to being so busy in the summer and planned on getting back into it come fall but an emergency visit to the ER due to Nugget's anorexia (it is called anorexia when they choose to refuse food for more than one feeding) put a stop to any life's normal activities.  He spent two nights, was on IV's and we were told he had pancreatits.  His Bun levels were slightly off.  I questioned this but was told that is normal.  I took him to our normal vet who said everything was fine and then it happened again.  Remembering an important phrase from my days in real estate I decided to go elsewhere.  "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results".  The new vet had repaired Nugget's ACL, but distance kept me from using him on a regular basis.   Long story short, my baby had heart cancer and they extracted 220 cc's of fluid that gathered in the sac that surrounds the heart.  The tumor was right on the heart making surgery very difficult with a chance that he would pass under the knife. He was also in kidney failure.  So that day until March, he was immediately taken off his Rimadyl, put on a few other meds and I elected to give him subcutanious fluids every three days.  We went nowhere, we never left him more than three hours and our lives were totally dedicated in giving him the best care possible.  I do believe the fluids helped him as the kidney failure seemed gone, his blood values were normal, etc. The Azodyl was exceptional in helping with the appetite, but I could do nothing about the cancer.  I thought all was good near Christmas when he had a check up and I shed tears of joy but in February we were told it spread to the spleen.  His stomach area began to swell with fluid.  His comfort level diminished, his eyes lacked sparkle, he no longer got up for food and it seemed time.  I prayed and prayed and I asked Nugget to tell me.  It seemed he didn't want to go which broke our hearts.  He tried to hang on to the very end even resisting the sedative given prior to the death shot.  His dear heart continued to struggle and I heard its quiet beat with the stethescope, then it was time.  Little Bear layed near him, Princess knew and lied beside him on his bed.  Sammy stayed under the dining room table.  Coty seemed normal and unaware and the other kitties remained quiet.  It was so strange that my dear little Princess knew and wanted to comfort him and poor Little Bear was forced to experience another death of her loved one with her brother Jack dying years ago. 

Rest in peace my dear Nugget.  I do believe we will see eachother again when we shed our earthly bodies and our souls rise to a new level hopefully Heaven where we will be joined once again.  Please be there to greet me my dear boy when it is my time to go, I want to see your beautiful face and be surrounded by your undying love.  I will love you forever my boy, my Nugget.

24 comments:

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

I've missed seeing you in blogland. I'm so sorry to hear about Nugget. He was a gorgeous dog. I had a golden retriever that died from cancer about 6 years ago, and I still miss him. RIP Nugget.

Kelly Bartels said...

I am so sorry for your loss....I had one of my own yesterday and I cried through the entire reading of your wonderful tribute to your beloved companion and family member.
May you find comfort in your memories of Nugget.
God Bless.

JC said...

I am so sorry !!!

He looks so much like my Maddy Jean. We lost our Bella last August so I know how this goes.

It takes about four months, at least for me, to be able to see a photo and not cry.

May your hearts heal. May your memories be of only good times.

Thinking of you,

JC and The Purr and Fur Gang

Paint Girl said...

I am so, so sorry about the loss of your beloved Nugget!! It is never easy losing our most precious animals. You and your family will be in my thoughts during this difficult time!!

Buttons said...

Oh I am so sorry I have been in this spot myself and it is always so hard my heart goes out to you and your family. Nugent sounds like he had a great life with a very loving family more animals should have that love. Take care Hug B

~Kim at Golden Pines~ said...

To say that I'm sorry doesn't seem like enough, but I truly am. I know all too well how hard it is to lose our precious 4 legged family members, because they are so embedded within the fabric of our life. But what a wonderful life he had with you--I hope you find comfort in knowing that, and in your memories that can never be taken away....

lisa said...

So sorry to hear about Nugget! One of the hardest things is losing our best friends.

Country Gal said...

I am so sorry for your loss of Nugget. It is hard loosing a member of the family as they do become. He will forever be in your hearts and your memeories .

Lori Skoog said...

Very sorry to read about your loss. Nugget was so well loved.

Ali said...

Thank you for your comment about Bo. I am so, so sorry about you losing Nugget! What a beautiful post, I wish I could write as well as you. He was a gorgeous, wonderful sounding creature and I pray you will find some comfort and peace in your loving memories of him. {{hugs}}

Phyllis said...

Hello,

I knew something was going on in your life that kept you from blogging. I am so sorry about Nugget and know how painful it is to lose such a special member of the family. My heart aches for you, Nugget and the rest of Nugget's family.

Nan and =^..^= said...

My heart goes out to you...what a very beautiful tribute to the memory of your beloved Nugget. He will live forever in your heart.
I have lost two of my beloved cats within 6 months and miss them so much every day but have a strong feeling of their presence. Though I can't physically see them I still feel them with me.
I hope you find comfort in all the love you shared with Nugget.

Willard said...

It is so sad when one loses them and my heart goes out to you. You will treasure your memories of Nugget forever.

Also thanks for stopping by the blog and commenting about the fawns. I hope you get to see the fawns in your area soon too. They are so cute when one sees them experiencing their first few weeks of exploring this strange new world. It seems like they have a look of awe and amazement on their faces as they confront each new situation.

"GB" said...

My heart weeps for you and your family. That was a wonderful tribute to him and he will live forever in your heart and now mine.

Flat Creek Farm said...

I don't know how I missed this. I am so sorry about Nugget. I truly believe your Dad and Nugget see each other in Heaven. What a beautiful boy. I do feel your pain. We do love them so! Hugs, Tammy

Jan's Place USA and Mt Forest Pictures said...

I just saw this post, and am so sorry to hear about your Nugget. You know our palomino mare Zoe, her real name is "Nugget A Gold"...looks like you had one too. Blessings and hugs sent your way...Jan

bennysmith said...

I am enjoy your post, so warmful and beautiful!

white azalea said...

Like your blog very much, thanks very, the dogs are sooo cute!

Gina Gao said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. He looks like an amazing dog.

www.modernworld4.blogspot.com

Laurie said...

My heart breaks for you. We lost our Shasta dog to cancer as well. Gone, never forgotten and we will see them again. Big hugs to you all.

roysfarm said...

Lovely dogs! I have one and he is very friendly.

Alicia Ballance said...

I study at the Royal Agricultural University and would love it if you could quickly ale a look at my blog at:

http://www.freshertofarmer.com

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Thanks for swinging by my blog! I have missed your posts. Hope you're doing well.

You asked about the picture in my header with the possum. That was at an Earth Day festival we went to last year - there was a pet possum someone had that was very friendly.

Jen said...

I know this is an old post but I just came across it this morning, just wanted to say sorry for your loss.